Goddard

In fourth year, I celebrated my birthday. Doing this was not entirely par for the course; on numerous years, this did not happen (and, at the time of writing this, hasn't happened for the past 3 years). For some reason, during that particular year at Queen's, I was fortunate enough to be surrounded by people who not only knew my date of birth, but also wanted to acknowledge said date in a more celebratory fashion than winning the "who had the most wall posts today" contest. Among these people was Justin Goddard. I remember that we went to QP on the actual night my birthday (Thursday) and he bought me a pint of beer. For some reason, this event stands out in my mind because... I guess simply because it doesn't happen most years and it was the first real sign (that I picked up on) that Goddard was not simply an acquaintance, but an actual friend.

Justin Goddard is one of the kindest, most considerate people I have ever met. In fact, he may very well be the kindest and most considerate person I have ever met. He's always happy to see or hear from you and you just feel warmth and goodwill emanating from him all the time. Karen was actually the one who really drew my attention to the word "kind" to describe Goddard and it really is the best word there is. My mother used to read me The Big Book of Kindness (or something that sounds like that) when I was a child and I'm pretty sure Goddard embodies all those characteristics.

Related to the idea of kindness is the fact that Goddard also has a strong sense of empathy. He considers how people might feel and I've never known him to be insensitive of other people's feelings.

Goddard is a deep-thinker and I love deep thinkers. I can talk about all sorts of crazy thoughts and realizations I have about love, life, eternity, and relationships and I have yet to discuss a topic with Goddard on which he cannot contribute. This is key. I mean, it's one thing to listen sympathetically to me while I ramble on about some universal idea; it's quite another to add another perspective or draw another link on the same topic. Because of this, Goddard is always ready to provide alternative interpretations or point out flaws in my thoughts and this makes him a rare and invaluable conversationalist.

Goddard is also hilarious. I suppose on some level, he feels shame (I think), but Goddard always embraces awkward moments and isn't afraid of self-deprecating humor. One of my other favorite Goddard moments is the occasion where he fellated a banana in Leonard cafeteria. Upon noticing a wide-eyed stranger staring at him from two seats down, he turned and said hello to her while Courtney and I killed ourselves laughing.

Goddard is part fish. He's one of the most amazing people I've ever known. He's the kind of guy you meet and you say to yourself, "God, I hope I still know him when I'm 80," because as far as friends (and people) go, he's the best there is.

Lucia

When I was in fourth year, I followed a ritual on Thursday where every minute of my day was accounted for. I woke up, went to class, had lunch, went to more class, and then took a nap until exactly 5:30 when I would meet Lois for dinner. Following dinner I would always stroll down to Lucia's room and hang out until I left for badminton (which start at 8:45). Badminton went until 11:30 and I'd return to residence, shower, and pass out (or assist a drunken frosh of some sort). I always looked forward to Thursdays because I did everything on autopilot and I was childishly pleased when Lucia began to expect me on Thursday evenings as well. We would just shoot the shit for awhile and I look back on those Thursday evenings fondly as a bonding experience.

Lucia and I actually have a bit of indirect history. I was in the same class as her brother in grade 8 and though I had never really talked to him (I didn't talk to anyone in my class back then), it was a good jumping off point for our friendship. Well, that and the fact that she was my don. I still, to this day, don't know why they placed me on a first-year floor when I was in fourth year but there you have it. In the end, the most positive thing about being on Gord 2 was that I got to hang out with Lucia, who's pretty cool.

Well, she's more than pretty cool. Lucia's a great don. She made the effort to plan events and say hi to everyone on the floor. She also made time for people who needed to talk so you know... you could say, "Oh, it's her job after all" but I've heard of a lot of dons who get away with doing a lot less. You should never take these things for granted - just because it's someone's "job" doesn't necessarily mean that they're going to a "great" job so I've always been thankful when people did their jobs well. And Lucia was great at doing hers.

I like that Lucia makes time for me when I'm home in Markham. She always encourages me to do things that make me happy or try something different if I tell her I'm considering it. I've always found an inherent honesty in the way Lucia expresses herself. It's hard to describe but I've always feel like Lucia says things the way they are (or the way she sees them) and maybe that's why I like talking to her.

I also stood her up this one time - it's the only time I've ever stood anyone up (I think). Seriously... she called me in the morning and I was groggy and stuff... I had completely forgotten that we were supposed to get coffee at Second Cup. But she was really nice about it so I've always appreciated the way she handled that situation. Thankfully, the Second Cup was like 10 minutes away from my house so I got there in good time.

So yeah... Lucia's pretty awesome.

Pearl

Pearl and I were down at The Beach(es) this one time and were sitting on an outcrop of rocks by the water. I remember at one point deciding to lie down because I simply got tired of sitting. As I began to lie down, I simultaneously realized in my head that this was probably a bad idea because even before I was fully laid down, I knew that the sun would be beating down on my face and I also knew that this would get really uncomfortable really fast. But there was nothing to be done! I was, after all, already in the process of lying down – the most I could do was enjoy my reclined position for 30 seconds before I would decide that I didn’t want to char my face to a crisp. All this passed through my head before I actually reached my final, fully reclined position on the rock. But just as I decided that I was an idiot, the sun mysteriously stopped beating down upon my face. Well, it wasn’t “mysterious” per se. I wasn’t really an idiot after all; I figured that Pearl had probably shifted her position and that she was now coincidentally blocking the sun out of my face. When I opened my eyes, I realized that it wasn’t a coincidence. Seeing that the sun was shining into my face, she had deliberately moved her head so that it was casting a shadow over said face. And as I looked up at her and realized that she was making a concerted effort not to move her head, I knew, right then, that she was the kind of person we need more of in society.

I love telling this story about Pearl because I think it demonstrates perfectly a quality that Pearl has that I admire immensely. And that is simply this: Pearl thinks about other people. She considers other people's feelings and recognizes that sometimes, it's better to make small sacrifices if it means that other people don't have to make big ones. It's hard for me to express the degree to which I admire this about her because I haven't had a lot of practice; it's that rare of a quality.

But I mean, that's understandably so. I haven't ever faulted people for putting themselves before others as long as it doesn't result in harming said others. It's one thing to be self-centered to the point of being inconsiderate; it's another to be egoistic where you simply don't take the extra step to ensure that you're looking out for others. Sure it would be nice if people didn't just settle for the latter but I've never insisted, on any moral grounds, that lacking the drive to be better makes you a terrible human being. But I digress...

The point is, that while I don't necessarily condemn people who are egoists, I do admire those of us who stop and consider other people when making decisions and Pearl is someone who usually does this. From suggesting that we eat at Demetres because she knows I like "white people" desserts to deflecting the conversation towards a "whole group" consideration whenever I try to focus our choices on her preferences... every time I notice this quality about her, it reminds me that is amazing and is a friend worth holding onto.

I would like to quote something I once wrote about Pearl (as part of a separate discussion) that I think is instructive:

"I remember one when I had called her [Pearl] during a time when she was horrifically sick and had lost her voice. She whispered into the phone that she was in a beaten state and that she would talk to me later. Fair enough. But then I got a text message from her literally 2 minutes after I put down the phone, telling me that she appreciated the call. And I realized that this was something that, once upon a time, I could conceivably have seen myself doing – but somewhere along the line, I (and many others – thanks Neil Strauss) had gotten used to the idea that such displays of appreciation were over-the-top; that letting people know that you appreciate their attention meant that you were needy; and that the surest way to seem cool was to make it seem like you were the one who was always doing the other person a favor by giving them the time of the day. And while I had never fully bought into these philosophies, I realized that I had given into them to the extent that I thought that that was how everyone wanted the world to be like when really, no one wanted this at all – we were just too scared of losing our mojo by admitting that we could occasionally be on the receiving end of personal favors and attention."

I've always joked with Pearl that it sometimes seems like we were brought up with completely different experiences and under different cultural norms. Now I'm thinking that maybe that's not such a bad thing. And while I regularly poke fun at her for not knowing some things that I consider to be cultural juggernauts, this is something I would gladly trade if it meant that some of her values were inherently part of the culture in which she was raised.

Other good points... well, Pearl is good at badminton (always a plus), has a good sense of humor, and isn't afraid to call me out when some of my flaws exhibit themselves. She's internally consistent, isn't flaky, and is kind-hearted towards children and the elderly. She also thinks skinny jeans look kinda stupid (they do!) and I have thanked the heavens on several occasions that she never bought into that fad.

David

Once during fourth year David came up to Queen's to visit along with Karen. I had another friend, coincidentally also named David (but whom I shall refer to as "Dave" for clarity sake), who was in the habit of taking certain Conservative values to an extreme in order to see how uncomfortable he could make people (he had a certain diabolical streak in this way). Dave was unaware, however, that David had a habit of parroting everything you said (it's one of his social oddities). As the story goes, Dave and David happened upon one another amidst a conversation about seal-preservation. The story goes something like this:

Dave: "You know what I think we should do? We should just kill off all the seals."
David: "Yeah, yeah! We'll just kill 'em all off!"
Dave: "..."

Dave was later quoted as saying that he had no idea what was happening during that particular stretch of conversation.

David is weird. I've known him since we were in grade 2 and sometimes I wonder how we managed to stay friends for so long. I guess part of it has to do with the sheer amount of history we have together. It's interesting to note how common interests can cease to be important so long as you have enough history over which to reminisce. Nonetheless, David possesses several qualities that I think are worth noting.

David is super out-going and super friendly. He can make friends with literally anyone and has a good sense of humor. He will also say very sympathetic things to you if you're angry and frustrated about something. I think this comes from his diplomatic personality and sometimes, it's just nice to have someone tell you that you're right about everything, even if you may not be.

One of his more interesting quirks comes out when he's hanging out with people at someone's house. I only noticed this within the last year but as a way of getting the conversation ball rolling, David will start listing objects he sees in the room in which he is sitting. When I first noticed this habit, I thought it was incredibly odd, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that it is actually an effective way of getting people to talk. The thing is, now that I've noticed it, it's just funny to watch because people never realize what he's doing.

One last thing that I particularly like about David is that he always makes the effort to seek you out and contact you every so often. He's one of the few people I know who calls me to hang out more often than I do in return. Considering how much I despise flakiness, this is one of those things about David that I try not to take for granted.

Ted

I have nothing good to say about Ted!!!

Actually, there are plenty of things. When I was in fourth year, I went through this horrifying epoch in my life that involved some girl I was interested in. It was horrifying for many reasons but the point here is that shortly after the entire incident unfolded, I found myself at Ale House Canteen drinking (with Ted, of all people!). Up until that point in my life, I had really only regarded Ted as a giant, huggable... thing. After all, the most memorable event I had associated with Ted was that he gave me a giant hug at the end of first year despite not knowing me very well. Still, I was drinking and unhappy about my life so I decided to hint, delicately (or as delicately as I could in my drunken stupor) to Ted that my life was not going so well. Ted was surprisingly sympathetic and I think it was in that moment that I realized that maybe Ted was a pretty good guy after all.

Ted can solve a rubik's cube. You know... just throwing that out there...

One of my favorite things about Ted is that he laughs at dumb jokes. Of course, being an intellectual elitist, the floor for "dumb" in my estimation may be slightly higher than usual. Nonetheless, I find that Ted always laughs at things that I consider funny, which is great because it makes me sound funnier than I actually am. He also gets the smart jokes too! Basically, Ted can see the humor in anything! Having someone around with this great sense of humor is always a plus - especially if that humor applies to a wide band of subjects.

Along the same lines, Ted is constantly amazed by everything around him. Every time I stumble upon something interesting on the internet, I always feel the need to share my discoveries and it's comforting to know that Ted will usually find it interesting too. We were joking once about how people aren't as amazed at air-travel as they probably should be. After all, you're flying through the air... like a bird... and doing so at remarkably high speeds. Ted mentioned that he is one of the few people who finds flying cool.

I guess, at the heart of everything, is the fact that Ted is like a big kid. I've ranted before about how we lose touch with things as we grow older because we get used/become desensitized to all the amazing things that are happening around us. Ted, fortunately, has not lost touch with this sense of wonder and this makes him a lot of fun to be around. He's interesting because he is capable of being interest-ed in practically anything so long as he's introduced to it by the right person.

Ted is a very optimistic person. He's good at encouraging you and tries to get you see the positive side of things. At the same time, he is also sympathetic, which makes him a pretty good person to talk to if you're feeling horrible about your life. On top of that, he always seems like he's happy to see/hear from you - actually, a better word would be "excited." Ted always seems like he's excited to see/hear from you, and very often he is. I've always found it hilarious that his name is Teddy because he reminds me of a giant teddy bear (something he actually owns). He will make the conscious effort to visit you, even if he's living in some faraway land, and you have to appreciate any friend who will drive 6 hours to visit.

Personally, I've always appreciated how Ted is able to consistently schedule me into his week via skype. He is one of the few people whose done this consistently (weekly) and he never cancels without an offer to reschedule at some point. Considering my isolated existence this past year, I have really come to appreciate a friend who is willing to do this on a regular basis.

At the end of the day, Ted is simply a really good friend. If you went through and defined all the things you expect a friend to do Ted probably hits every mark. I have come to realize that this kind of friendship is rare in this day and age (or perhaps it has always been rare) and that is what makes me glad to know him.

Steve

Steve and a friend once joined me during breakfast, one morning in the cafeteria. I had no idea who his friend was but we all had breakfast together and engaged in your usual breakfast banter. Somewhere along the line, Steve mentioned that we know each other from the Queen's badminton club. His friend then asked me, "Are you better than Steve?" to which I laughed and replied, "Of course not." You see, Steve was once ranked something like 7th in all of Canada and had been training since he was 4. However, it was this junction that Steve shrugged and added, "We're not that far apart... Jon's probably the second or third best player in the club." To this day, I remember that conversation being the point in my life when I started to enjoy the sport to the extent that I do today.

Steve was one of those super-star kids back in school who was athletic, good-looking, smart, and had good taste in music and culture. The most significant thing about him, though, is that he manages to be all that while remaining friendly and level-headed. I've never known Steve to get mad at his partner on court, which is a lot harder than it sounds when you've made all the plays you're supposed to make, but find yourself losing games because of shoddy play from said partner. He'll lend his stuff out to people who forget to bring their own equipment and isn't an elitist about needing to use "his" racquet or playing with perfect shuttles.

I've always tried to emulate Steve's attitude towards the game because it's a style that maximizes the amount of fun he gets out of it. Playing with less than optimal equipment or playing under less than optimal environments never frustrates him - he just adjusts his shots accordingly and to be able to do that is something that I admire about him. Of course, the fact that he is able to make these adjustments so easily is a tribute to how good he is at the sport. To get to where he is must have taken years of practice and dedication and that is always something to respect in someone.

Quynh

In my last year at Queen's, I met Quynh at a residence staff dinner way back during training week and was told that she was the senior don of the building in which I would be living. That was par for the course - I ran into/met a lot of people that week. But here's the thing. The very next time I saw her, Quynh greeted me like she had known me for years. It took me by surprise because I simply did not expect such friendliness from someone, even if she WAS a senior don (I mean, hey, Dave was a senior don and he was Grumpy MaGee for most of the year until he stopped being single). That being said, I will always remember the kind of warmth that emanated from Quynh, even though I still, to this day, don't know her very well.

But that's the thing with Quynh! Every time I see her, she always sounds like she's thrilled to see me. She's kind, she's sympathetic, she's got a good sense of humor - she would have been an awesome don for whoever lived on her floor. I don't have too much to say about Quynh since we haven't known each other for very long (nor do we know each other particularly well) but this blog simply wouldn't be complete without her.

There are some people in this world who just... radiate warmth. Quynh is one of these people and I wanted to pay tribute to this rare and wonderful quality she has. I may not know very much about Quynh other than the fact that she HAS this trait but this - this outgoing display of care and sympathy - is enough to vault her into the awesome stratosphere.