Mike

During second and third year university, I lived in a house with Mike (along with some other folk, with whom I did not get along). I had actually known Mike from the heydays of elementary school; we had been chums back then but went through a long period of non-communication until we discovered that we attended the same university. At any rate, despite the many crappy days I spent in second and third year, basking in the wake of what I now think was existential depression, I always looked forward to having a good meal with Mike. He and I usually had a good conversation at the dinner table, sandwiched between an efficient cooking/cleaning up system, and for many days, this was the only form of real social interaction I had with anyone. Looking back now, I am quite grateful for having these meals to look forward to. Goodness knows how unhappy I would have been without them.

While we're on the topic, I may as well mention that Mike is probably one of the best housemates anyone could ask for. Anyone who has lived with their friends in university will understand what I mean when I say that there's a difference between a good friend and a good housemate. Mike was a good friend, to be sure, but he was a tremendous housemate. He always did his share of the chores, never complained, paid his bills, was clean and for the most part, not loud. If I had to pick someone to live with based on co-habitation-compatibility alone, Mike would be the first person to come to mind.

In most aspects, Mike is a very different person than I. He's an engineer (that probably tells you enough), and from what he tells me, doesn't understand anything about women. That never seemed to get in the way of him having girlfriends so I assume there was some sort of redeeming quality to him as a boyfriend. One of these things was likely the fact that Mike is a fundamentally good person who is very considerate of other people's feelings. By his own admission, he doesn't understand them very often but he's considerate of them nonetheless. That takes a certain quality, you know, to be considerate of feelings you don't understand.

Mike is also extremely handy. He knows stuff about cars, computers, construction - anything you can take apart and put back together, Mike probably has a working knowledge of it. In other words, he's good at fixing things and it's not until things start to break that you appreciate just how nice it is to have someone around who can help you with whatever it is that's malfunctioning.

Personally, one of the things I love about Mike is that he's perfectly happy sitting on a back porch on a summer evening, drinking beer. I've never been the type of person who has to DO something when I'm with other people. I mean, it's nice to do stuff with your friends, don't get me wrong, but I've encountered many situations where I'm sitting with friends and relaxing when someone pipes up, "So... what do you guys wanna do?" In my head, my answer is usually, "Nothing! I just want to sit here and have random conversations!" but I can never bring myself to say this. It's pretty nice to know someone like Mike, with whom you don't have to plan on "doing" very much.

Also on a personal note, I like the fact that Mike loves being in a relationship but doesn't understand women. It's not a sadistic thing - I just think it's funny when he talks about things that his girlfriend - or a girl he likes - says or does and ponders about what it could possibly mean. In a way, though, I think Mike understands women better than he says he does, especially considering how much time and effort he puts into trying to say the right thing to them. Again, it's this sort of old-timey desire to "do right" by people that I think I like the most about Mike. He's a good guy - a good friend and a good housemate - but ultimately, a good guy.

Lois

I've always held that it's a good practice to designate one day of each week as your "I don't have to think" day. Basically, you plan your week so that on this particular day, every moment is accounted for so that you can have a day that is free of making any decision beyond what is necessary to engage in the tasks you've already planned. When I was in fourth year, Thursday was this day. I had class all day until 4 PM and badminton from 8:30 to 11:30. Between the end of class and badminton, Lois would always meet me in the cafeteria for dinner (and an after-dinner conversation) and thus allowed me to go through my Thursdays free from having to think about what I was going to do that entire day. And it was awesome.

Lois has the distinction of being the only other person from my high school to attend Queen's. Anthony T. also went to our school and also attended Queen's but neither of us ever heard from him (nor did we get invitations to his birthday party...) so we choose to ignore him. At any rate, Lois and I always shared that bond - one that was made even stronger when we considered that as far as we knew, we were the only ones from our high school in recent memory to attend Queen's and would likely be the last for years to come.

It's kinda funny - Lois and I had never really been THAT close when we were in high school. Part of that might have had to do with our age gap (2 years) that seemed a lot bigger way back when. It's kind of funny how easy it is to bond over a history - even if that history is sparse. It kinda makes me think... well, it makes me think of Monica and Rachel from Friends... but um... besides that, it also makes me think that maybe we have a far greater capacity for forming bonds with other people than we think. I mean, it's not as if Lois and I constantly yarned over the "good old days" whenever we ate in the cafeteria. And yet, just having that little bit of history is a little bit like having an inside joke you can pull out at any time - just knowing that the person gets it is enough to to make you consider that she might also get the newer jokes too.

It also helps that Lois always sounds like she's happy to see me. She generally has a happy demeanor, even when she's stressed, and she likes to laugh and is simply a friendly person. She also doesn't use contractions in her speech - it's one of her quirks that I've always, for some reason, found endearing. Add all that to the fact that she's willing to humor me in my "weekly tradition" type dinners (seriously, as soon as she noticed it become a semi-established routine, she never missed a week) and you have, I should say, a thoroughly wonderful girl.

Carlie

Back at the beginning of fourth year, I had just met Carlie through Dave. She was a don and in Con-Ed so we had some familiar grounds to start off on right from the get-go. She had also taken a classics course in a previous year that I was taking at the time and we both agreed that the prof was heinous and invented a lot of the final marks; we arrived at this last conclusion from our inexplicably high marks despite failing a good portion of the class. At any rate, I had known Carlie for a very short time but I will always remember coming home from class one day and seeing that Carlie had written on my wall, suggesting that we have dinner at Leonard sometime. For some reason, that gesture of goodwill stuck with me and I remember it to this day.

At first glance, I think most people would be inclined to say that Carlie and I are very different people. The longer I know her, though, the more I'm convinced that Carlie and I share some fundamental beliefs about love, friendships, and the bonds we make with people around us. We also share some fundamental preferences for certain awesome television shows (Glee, HIMYM, Boy Meets World) but that's more of a bonus.

I first noticed this understanding when Carlie began commenting on the notes I wrote on facebook. At first I thought it was simply a product of my spectacular note-writing skills but as I wrote more and Carlie kept commenting, I began to realize that the ideas I was expressing through them were ideas that Carlie had also, at one point, considered. I wasn't really illuminating anything new or showing her anything she didn't already know. And while there's something to be said about showing people a new way of seeing or understanding somethings, it's also pretty cool to know that someone already gets it.

Ultimately, though, there is one particular trait about Carlie that stands out among everyone else in my life. Carlie understands that a good friendship needs to be fed and she will ALWAYS take the time, every so often, to ask you about your life and let you know that she's thinking about you. She will send postcards; she'll make mix-CDs. She will also always let you know, after you've seen her, how much she enjoyed seeing you. Carlie is the only person I know who does this and it is just... so awesome. You'll hang out with her, maybe with some friends; you'll say goodbye; head home, feeling pretty good about the day/evening; then you'll open up the facebook and see that she's posted on your wall, telling you how awesome it was to see you.

And that's it, you know? It's the extra mile; the cherry on top; the little thing that makes you realize just how lucky you are to know someone who makes the effort to reaffirm the value she places in your friendship. What more could you ask for?

Grant

When I was in third year at Queen's, I went through an... interesting final quarter of the year; this interesting epoch involved a girl from one of my classes. Now, this brief episode of my life would end up shaping the rest of my time at Queen's in ways I had not anticipated but that's a story best saved for another time. The important point (from the perspective of this particular entry) is that very early on in the whole affair, I had sent Grant an email, documenting the preliminary failures I had in my attempts at getting to know this girl. His reply was one of kindest and most uplifting messages I have ever gotten from anyone. On the strength of this reply alone, I convinced myself to see the whole thing through to the end and hey, it actually turned out pretty well, all things considered.

I spent about half an hour (time I don't actually have) trying to decide on the one definitive example of why Grant has been one of the most influential people in my life. Of course, when you've known someone for 10+ years, the one moment you choose to define your friendship will invariably end up inadequate, particularly if this person happens to understand you better than anyone else you could ever hope to run into.

That was not an exaggeration. I truly don't think I will ever meet someone who understands the way I think, feel, or operate, better than Grant. From the jokes that I find hilarious to the importance of love and why "there's nothing more to life than girls," to the darkest and most horrible realizations I sometimes have about human nature - I hardly ever have to censor myself around Grant because he gets it. Grant just gets it. And that's the thing about someone who knows you as well as you know yourself - I can say anything about anything and he'll probably nod to show that he sees where I'm coming from before providing his own views on the matter.

The opposite also holds true - Grant, as far as I can tell, doesn't really censor himself whenever we have conversations and as a result, we tend to get places in our conversations. And you'd be surprised at how much more productive your conversations are when you're not holding back. If I were to pinpoint a definitive period in which we really consolidated our friendship, it would have to be during the first semester of first year. University was a new experience for the both of us and aside from living our own lives, we would also live each other's lives vicariously through email exchanges. I think it was the first time in my life that I had known someone who actually cared to hear about the things I had to say about love, life, and music.

Like Brett, Grant is capable of seeing the humor in life. One of the reasons why Grant is awesome is because you can share anything on the emotional spectrum with him and he'll probably be able to relate to you. If something horrible is happening in life, I can always be sure that Grant will empathize. Likewise, if something hilarious happens, I can always be sure that he'll find the joke funny too. His emotional quotient is off the charts and that's pretty awesome if you're the kind of person who needs to feel connected to someone before you can talk to them.

In the end, the best thing about Grant is that he understand how important it is to be a fundamentally good person. I mean, I know lots of people who are fundamentally good guys but Grant is one of the few people I know who has constantly led a life where making the "right" decision and being a "nice guy" has never been automatic or the default choice. He's one of the few people you will meet who understands - truly understands - not only why it's important to make the right decisions in life, but also why it's so easy to make the wrong ones. Most importantly, he understands this without turning his nose up at people who make bad decisions.

In our society, we go crazy over people who are famous - whether it's for their talents in music, acting, professional sports, what have you... and part of that is because we look up to and admire their abilities. "Man, to be able to write that song/play that role/hit 50 home runs, that's pretty incredible," we say to ourselves. And of course, those feats are pretty incredible. But you know what's even more incredible? Being a good person: being faithful to your partner; not taking advantage of others; being kind and considerate and open-minded; understanding that there are other people who - like you - are just trying to get by in the world. If you take these things for granted, think about all the sleazy people at your seedy, underground bars; think of the multi-billion dollar drug industry; think of all the racism and violence and crime; think about the cheating spouses and divorce rates; think about all the people who cut you off on the road; think of all the people in the world who make the wrong choices; who are making the wrong choices right now.

Being hedonistic and giving into what you want, regardless of the cost, is not something that no one in their right mind would do. Grant is someone who understands this better than anyone I know. And yet, when faced with the choice, Grant has always decided to be a good person. And it's not because he considers the alternatives to be "below" him. Rather, they are simply paths he has chosen not to follow because he understands that ultimately, the constant battle to hold onto the good is the only battle in life worth being proud of.

Mari

I was in Leonard Cafeteria (obviously) one evening - this was during November of 2010 - and I was eating with some friends when Mari came and joined us at the table. I did not know Mari personally but I had eaten with her a few times that year. In Leonard Cafeteria terms, eating "with" someone could mean anything from sitting across from them during a meal to being at opposite ends of a table, depending on how big your peer group was during that particular dining experience. In Mari's case, having eaten "with" her meant that I recall seeing her at some of our larger meal gatherings. She seemed friendly enough but as was the usual case when I sat with people I wasn't familiar with, I did not speak unless spoken to.

And then Mari spoke to me! Not only that, but I distinctly remember that precise meal as the defining moment when Mari and I became friends because I was struck by the warmth that was emanating from her being when she spoke to me.

She, here's the thing with Mari: she is a very warm person. She is such a caring individual that you can hear it in her voice when she speaks. Maybe it's just the wonderful combination of being friendly and having a great sense of humor but bringing Mari into a social dynamic usually results in good feelings all around. She makes you feel safe, I guess, which is probably part of the reason why she was a don.

Speaking of safe, Mari is also a professional driver. This is probably the single most awesome thing about anyone ever. I always assume that this means that nothing can go wrong when she's behind the wheel but that may or may not be an example of me exaggerating the extent to which you can draw reasonable conclusions from a given premise. Either way, it's still the single most awesome thing about anyone ever.

Mari also knows more about birds than anyone else I know.

She also once referred to the penis as "the beef bayonet" though she may or may not have been quoting someone. Either way, it was funny; especially paired with the "We're going to war!" chant she used to illustrate the (un)suitability of the term.

When it comes down to it, though, Mari is awesome because she's yet another person I met through absolutely no effort of my own. I know this makes me sound like a lazy arse who can't be bothered to make friends but I really am incredibly uncomfortable around people I don't know... and I do admire those people who have enough self-confidence to reach out to me when I give them absolutely no reason to. Because if people didn't do this, this blog would run dry pretty quickly. Fortunately, there are people like Mari and Courtney and Tim (and many others) who are willing to reach out to people who aren't particularly good at reaching out on their own.